Men and women communicate differently. Men tend to think in linear terms, carrying on a conversation as though it’s a mathematical equation. This plus this equals that; end of story. When two men communicate, one man speaks at a time, conveying his specific concept. When he’s finished, the other man pauses and then adds his perspective.
Women communicate on a broader scale, weaving several concepts together into one grand design. When two women converse, they share ideas back and forth, often without pausing. It’s a dance where two women find a common rhythm for their words to flow between each other.
It’s no wonder women and men communicate differently, given our historical background. In the hunting and gathering days, men were genetically prepared for stalking prey. To do this, men had to be able to focus on one thing at a time and tune out all other distractions. Women, on the other hand, were back at the fort raising children. Their senses were fine tuned for focusing on the task at hand while at the same time being aware of any nearby danger or approaching predators. Hence, women’s ability to multitask and men’s difficulty in following a detailed, elaborate conversation.
Add to the mix that women have been raised to nurture, soothe and comfort while men are traditionally raised to solve problems and keep emotions hidden. Communicating with your spouse is like speaking two different languages.
How to communicate with a woman
Allow her to vent. If your wife is upset, all she may need is to express her feelings. Rather than trying to solve her problems, offer her your ear of support. Once she feels heard, she will naturally cool down
It’s her nature, she talks more
Realize that it’s a fact of life that women use twice as many words as men do. Don’t be frustrated by it. Find her solutions, or the two of you can brainstorm together.
Listen with your whole body. When a woman speaks, she’s not just conveying words; she’s communicating emotion, tone and meaning. Don’t just listen with your ears; listen with all of your senses. What does her body say? She may be saying she’s fine, but does she look fine or does she look sad or angry. What feelings and sensations are triggered in you as she speaks? What is your intuition telling you? Don’t just take her at her word – read her body language and tone.
Ask for clarification.
If you’re confused by what she says or how her words don’t match her tone or body language, ask her how she feels. Tell her what you see or sense (in a non-judgmental way, but with curiosity) and ask her if this is true for her. Show a deeper interest in what she is trying to convey.
Speak from your heart
Women like to connect on a heart and soul level. When you converse with your wife, step out of your analyzer and into your heart. Along with sharing your ideas and thoughts, share your feelings, passions and longings. Share personal stories from the perspective of how you felt, what was triggered in you, what you learned, and how you grew as a result of the experience.
Allow the conversation to flow
Let go of the need to fully complete your thought or story picture. Allow your wife to interject with her thoughts and ideas, trusting that you will get an opportunity to pick up where you left off. Enjoy the flow of conversation more than your opinions, and communication with your spouse will be effortless. Are you tired of having conversations with your guy and they seem to go nowhere? Here is a great list of five different ways to improve communication with your man.
Women should follow these ideas and techniques:
Nagging worsen communication
Don’t go about nagging and screaming the whole house down in order to get him to listen or interact with you, If you go on and on that way, he will not grab a single word from your screaming voice, he will get worked up and things will end up even getting worse.
Good timing
Make sure that the time that you are choosing to talk about whatever is important to you are appropriate. If he is in the middle of watching the big game or just got home from work, he is less likely to listen attentively. Choose a time without distractions to discuss it.
Don’t bore him with too many details It’s important to give him all the details that make the story or situation make sense, but try to refrain from adding too much extra information. Keep it as short and sweet as possible, while still getting your point across. Try to talk less. Most men are bottom-line oriented and will be better listeners if you get to the point quicker.
Show him the importance Make sure he knows that this conversation is important to you. He may not realize the seriousness or importance this subject has for you.
Don’t get angry with him if he doesn’t understand why you are upset
If kemi at work said an offensive comment to you at lunch and you’ve been brewing on it all day, your guy may not be able to relate. Men are not as easily agitated by other people’s rudeness as women.
Please keep in mind that a slight communication problem between you and your guy isn’t his fault or yours. Just try to meet each other in the middle and compromise. With time, communication between the two of you will flow more smoothly and eventually you will both talk to each other in a way that works for both of you
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